My Fan Moment

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I was 15-years-old – and got the biggest movie star crush of my life. As never before; never to be followed. The thing is, when I fall, I fall HARD. And I rarely fall. It's Mohanlal that I can’t get out of my mind. I wrote him fan letters. I thought they were deep. They probably were. Don’t know where it went, will never know the truth, but I’ve always half-believed the story that it might have reached where it was meant to be.



I wished on every birthday candle and every shooting star for YEARS that I would meet him. That wish never died. Akshay took me to see Mohanlal and that was a surprise. I kept my voice normal and said, “He’s. right there.” I had seen him in so many movies and for ages, I have seen him in that little black box in my one BHK room. This was “RIGHT THERE”.   My 15-year-old self came marching up from the past to pinch me right then and there. All of my nerves went away when I got an opportunity to go near him. I mean it – I felt nothing but ambition/determination to swiftly and effectively release 10 years of fandom to this man. I was calm and direct, waited for the press meet to get over to see if he’d come out and I would hop and click a photo, and yes, he did but he had no smile, as he was pretty upset with the overall media punctuality and something blimey, I don’t know. Felt bad no!!!! But yes, I deleted the photograph with him. ( after all a born Malayalee, my ego is more important than any superstar).

Over time, I never questioned Mohanlal’s role as my favourite actor, but life happened, as it will or whatever. Travel, Big life dreams, Having kids, Going to the office, LIFE. The heart-pounding kind. We never forget our roots and wishes. Somewhere, there’s a 15-year-old girl and she’s either super impressed with me or super disappointed in me. I wanted to tell her that all her wishes and dreams could come true – but it would never feel the way she thought it would feel. It would OFTEN be better or sometimes not so. It’s not important to click a photo with your favourite, it’s not important to run behind him. It has to be not the person whom you fantasized about. But still, there are a lot of tiers and experiences of your favourite that you can enjoy for a lifetime. I now logically see things, when I see him on stage. Yes, I freeze over, and I enjoy my warm heart getting numbed, with no running behind and no autograph and no photograph. I’m not an artist fainter. I’m a giggler, though and I enjoy being a fan of him in my own and my own life.

                                        

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